Setting: New York City. Subway late at night. Train, waiting for their stops.

Eli can’t help but over hear her conversation. She is
gossiping about a friend.
After
a minute or so the young woman hangs up the phone and notices Eli staring at
her. He’s not used to city life and finds her sort of interesting.
“Can
I help you?” She raises an eyebrow at him.
Eli
takes out the earphone from his left ear. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to stare. I’m
not used to hearing people have such honest conversations in public.”
“If
you don’t want to hear it then you don’t have to listen.”
“No,
no. That’s not what I meant. Or rather, I wasn’t eavesdropping. Sorry.” Eli was
gets up from his seat and walks over to her seat. He extends his hand for her
to shake. “I’m Elijah Newman.”
The
girl looks at his outstretched hand in a mixture of confusion and annoyance.
“Um, hi.”
“I
didn’t mean to offend.” Eli retracts his hand but still studies the profile of
her face. “What’s your name?” His abruptness surprises even himself.
“Bianca,”
She says hesitantly.
“Bianca…?”
“Why
the hell do you care?”
“Sorry.
I’m not from New York. Where I come from everyone knows each other’s last name.
I don’t know how this city works yet.”
“You’ll
learn quickly.”
He
put his hands in his pockets and he looked out the window at the darkness of
the tunnel. “People here are so honest. There’s no polite bullshit.”
Bianca
shrugged slightly. “No ones got time for that in New York.”
“I
think that’s why I like it here.” His gaze fell on her again. “Why I like the
people here so much.”
The
subway rolled to a stop and Bianca stands up. “Well, this is mine.”
“Oh,
alright.” Eli steps out of the way. “I guess I’ll see you around.”
She
snorts. “I doubt that. This is New York.”
Bianca
gets up to leave the train and her wallet is left on the seat behind her.
Noticing
this Eli quickly gets to his feet grabs the wallet and runs after her.
Bianca is already climbing the stairs and has her headphones
in.
“Wait!”
He calls out to her but she doesn’t hear it over the loud music.
He
touches her shoulder to get her attention.
Startled
Bianca turns around and instinctively takes a swing at his nose.
She
realizes its him and shouts “What the hell? You can’t just sneak up on people
like that.”
He
holds out the wallet as a peace offering.
Bianca
looks from the wallet to his bleeding nose and back again. “Wow, you really
don’t know how this city works.”
Bianca
notices the blood streaming down his nose. “Ah, shit, sorry. You really
shouldn’t scare a girl like that.” She digs through her purse and hands him
some tissue.
“Its
fine. No really, it was crooked before anyways.”
She
laughs for the first time. “You’re kind of funny.” Bianca grabs hold of his
arm. “If your nose isn’t too badly broken, call me.” She scribbled her number
on his forearm in sharpie. “I can show you around.”
He
watched as she walked away. Eli had a broken nose, a blood stained shirt and an arm covered in ink
that probably wouldn’t wash off for weeks. He was completly mesmerized.
Hi Lauren! I think this piece is actually very well written. I particularily enjoy how you have that awkward meeting in the beginning as people don't tend to fall in love at first sight. I also like how you have Bianca seen as sort of rude in the beginning, and that just in a couple paragraphs you really showed that not everyone is what they appear to be at first sight. ALSO, i like how you also slowly introduced the characters. For example, during the dialogue how you kinda explained how he's not from around here. Good work on the dialogue. :)
ReplyDeleteThis is so good! I enjoyed the humor intertwined within the dialogue, it definitely helped to understand Eli's character and why he came to New York. Bianca's character is brilliant as well, she is real and is easy to relate to which, in my opinion, makes her character more interesting. The dialogue was very well written; it flowed and was easy to read and sounded like an actual conversation that could take place.You could tell there is a spark between Bianca and Eli, especially from the narrating "He touches her shoulder to get her attention" and "she laughs for the first time". You can tell in these narrations that the two characters are starting to warm up to each other, which I liked a lot and thought was very effective :)
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